Jumble of thoughts

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn-bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."

Matthew 7:15-21

There's a lot on my mind. I don't know how to put it into words and into this blog. One main thing I've been thinking of is how people use the church and christianity. It makes me sick. It sparked my train of thought again when my friend texted me last night telling me that he felt disgusted because a friend of his decided to be a pastor not because of God's will but because it was a job. When he told me that my inward beliefs and logic wanted to vomit. It is the most sickening thing to me when people choose their "christian religion" over God. Why? because christianity is suppose to point to God.

You have no idea how much cringing emotion I get when people do not fear God. When I do not fear God. It makes me sad. Not just this light sadness, but a deep pitted sadness within my soul. Why? because we lose sight of why we are alive. We lose sight of why the Bible was created. It was made it was written not to tell people how to live a good moral life, no. It was written to show people a good and moral and holy God.

Dan Larison spoke on Sunday night talking about the differences of a good moral person doing good and a "christian" doing the same good. A good moral person does good, for the sake of humanity, that we should care for each other because we are all the same. A "christian" does good, out of love and reverence toward God. They do it because they believe God does care for people, God does love people, even though (for example) disasters happen and even though God is Sovereign over them, even though we do not understand why God would kill people through natural disasters we know through our moral intuition that He does love humanity.

I believe one reason why natural disasters happen is to remember that God is over all, and that He has the power to give life and to take life in whatever means He sees it fit. To fear God, is to accept these things.

The book of Job, questions these things. I was starting to study this book because it is pretty deep. It has its appeal not just to christian scholars but to secular scholars as well because it presents the question from an ancient Hebrew mesopotamian belief in a monotheistic god to a modern question of why do bad things happen to good people?

The book of Job does not end in answering these questions. I guess if you wanted you could say it is a copout ending. Yet it is the basis of what the Bible teaches. What the book of Job shows is that it is not about Job. It is not about getting the answers to all of life's questions. It is not about justifying your behavior or justifying how you are treated. It is not about that. What is it about? the fear of God. It is not about you. It is not about me. It is about God.

A lot of people are turned off to the Old Testament because of how harsh it is. How mean God seems to be. Yet it is longer than the New Testament. If you think about then, why is it longer? Why is the Old Testament so much longer? I am beginning to question maybe it is because it brings God as supreme being and humanity as nothing. The New Testament, Jesus' teachings, people appeal to that. Why? because you can get something moral out of it. It is rather interesting how in the Old Testament people see a uncaring God and in the New Testament they see a loving and compassionate God. There is no wisdom in thinking that the Old Testament and the New Testament don't go together. You cannot gain understanding in that way.

I guess after studying the New Testament basically all my life, and understanding love and compassion and serving people like Jesus would, many christians stop at that. Many christians forget that not only is God good but He is also holy. Not only is God sacrificial in His love, He is also terrifying in His presence.

The "fakeness" of religion is so vibrant within the christian american, within the christian church. We as a whole have lost the meaning of God. We have lost the meaning of worship. Worshipping God is not this feeling good placebo effect of an emotion. Going to church to feel good, is not worship to God. That is an insult and complete disgrace to God. Church was not meant to make you feel good, but to encourage you to continue running the race. Somedays when I go to evening service I just want to collapse and cry because my week had been so hard. My mind and my life go through doubt, go through problems and going to church does not fix my problems. It does not necessarily renew my mind. Honestly, if church could do that I would stop reading the Bible and praying. If reading the Bible could do that, I would stop going to church and praying. If praying did that I would stop going to church and reading the Bible. Prayer, reading the Bible, going to church, do not fix my problems. If anything sometimes it seems they increase my problems. Why do I do it then? because it reminds me of who God is and who I am. It doesn't change my situation in life, it changes my perspective of life.

A verse that I found this year that shatters the american christian going to church to feel good about oneself because God loves me is this,

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words."

"Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God."

Ecclesiastes 5:1-3,7

I think God says to many of us many times within a "church experience" or "worship experience" this,

"Shut up."

The book of Isaiah is probably the key book I remember when I truly fell in love with God and realized that He does not like religion.

"When you come to appear before me, who has asked this of you, this trampling of my courts? Stop bringing meaningless offerings! Your incense is detestable to me. New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations--I cannot bear your evil assemblies. Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts my soul hates. They have become a burden to me; I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you; even if you offer many prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood; wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." Isaiah 1:12-17

"The Lord says, 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." Isaiah 29:13

and that this god of the old testament even though put into the practice of Hebrews the mind of sacrificing material things such as animals this god says, "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

and what does Jesus, this "good moral teacher" say the greatest commandment is?

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:34-40

The Law I quoted is in Deuteronomy, the Prophet I quoted is Isaiah. Look for yourself and see if Jesus' teaching is correct. If you see what I see, then you can see how the Old Testament and the New Testament begin to coincide with each other on the basis of the character of God.

I really challenge you today, this week, this month, this year, to take the time to truly listen to God. To truly spend your time wisely before Him, and understanding who He is and who He says He is. To not do anything or say anything in the name of God or even before God without thinking first, without meditating first. Prepare yourself before you go to the King of the Universe. If you must, fall on your knees before Him in your room on your own by yourself, and take the time to really understand this God who created all things.

Not a Feel Good Religion :-/

Anyone who says Christianity is a feel good religion is a liar. It totally sucks. To be truly in step with God and to go after His Will for your life is to go against what you want. Christianity isn't a better yourself religion either, because I know there are plenty of ways to better myself outside of God. If that were true the apostle Paul would never be an apostle because when it comes to being a better person he had it. Paul writes to the Philippian church talking of people who believed that being circumcised was the way to salvation not just belief.

"For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh--though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless."

According to the standards of that time, Paul was at one point one of the best. He bettered himself like no one else, yet what does he say?

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness of my own that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Christianity isn't a better myself religion, it is a religion where you lose yourself and put on Christ by giving up all things. if Christianity, and God was to better Paul then it doesn't make sense how he was bettered through his life because instead of being a law abider he became a law breaker. What was to Paul's profit? What was to his gain? He was imprisoned, beaten, shipwrecked, and later put to death. What a waste of a life. He could have lived his life for someone on earth, for a family, for other people. Yet he chose something that is unseen.

Talking to my friend Chris, relating things to him, he knows how I feel about these things. Christianity can be so isolating. It breaks you, it causes you to be vulnerable. If you want to be a strong person don't be a christian because the weak are the christians. Thinking about these things I realized that sometimes God doesn't make me strong, he gives me strength but He doesn't always make me strong especially being in His presence.

Being in the presence of God, I haven't been there often but when I have it doesn't feel good at all. Another rebuttal to christianity being a feel good religion. Chris' facebook status quote describes it, "If you have never stood before God and been afraid then you have probably never stood before God."

C.S. Lewis says the same in his children's book, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. "Safe?' said Mr. Beaver...'Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe, but he is good. He's the King I tell you.' "

What does the Bible say about finding God? "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Proverbs 9:10

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise." Psalm 111:10

Notice how you need both. We need to know about God in order to understand Him, but if we don't fear Him, we have no wisdom and our understanding of Him is pointless. We need both to know God.

It doesn't matter if you have been to church all your life or if you have never been to church. Honestly both people can never find the presence of God if they search within their religion or within their self. You have to go outside your religion, outside of yourself, to find God. I didn't become a Christian and believe these things by going to church. I became a Christian when I told God in my own heart, alone in my room, with no one there telling me what to do or what to say, that I would do anything for Him. My religion, going to church doesn't keep me going. Honestly I stopped going to church at one point because I felt it got in the way of me and God. It is so easy to let our religious ways come before God.

America is so messed up. It is so christian and so religious it keeps us from knowing and fearing God. We are living in the belly of the beast. A place where there are so many different types of religions, so many different types of ways to live, so many different types of truth. I agree with Chris in that our generation is searching for truth because the generations before took out that truth and put in their own feel good doctrines claiming it pleased God. It doesn't please God. What pleases God, what makes Him smile, is when you finally give up yourself and say I would do anything for You. You give up trying to be a better person, trying to live up to someone's expectations, trying to reach an enlightened state of being.

I'm not living my life to better myself because honestly, I don't know how much more I could better myself. If I compare myself to most people my age, I am striving for perfection. I am going beyond bettering myself. Yet I know that is not what I am doing. I am living my life in fear of a Holy God, who's authority is over my life, and I follow in His Will and in His ways, no matter what it means I have to give up. I may give up my job, my education, my family, my friends, my happiness, but that is the life of a true Christian. What does Jesus Christ teach?

"As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holds and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family," Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

Luke 9:57-62

Christianity is not a feel good safe religion. It is a hardcore isolating religion. It asks of you to give up everything for it. You could claim it to be the greatest cult that there is, and maybe you are right. Maybe I am wasting my life away, seeking out a life that doesn't exist, a kingdom that doesn't exist, a god that doesn't exist. That is the choice I have made and it is totally foolish and irrational to the human's mind and logical ways.

Quoting Lewis again, in his children's book the Silver Chair, "I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."

I'll rephrase it, "I am on God's side even if there isn't any God to lead it. I'm going to live like a Christian as I can even if there isn't any Heaven."

I believe Jesus' teachings. I believe He is the Son of God, and that He is God. I believe He lived a sinless life, was crucified, buried, and then rose on the third day. I believe in the law and the prophets of the Old Testament claiming these things centuries before they happened. Do I have substantial proof? No. I am a fool. I am illogical. I am irrational. But I know this is Truth. I cannot explain why I know, I just do. I could be said to be brainwashed, I could be said to be in this 2000 year old worldwide cult of a useless religion.

but I know in my own heart, that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.