On Spiritual Gluttony in Prayer

6. These persons have the same defect as regards the practice of
prayer, for they think that all the business of prayer consists in
experiencing sensible pleasure and devotion and they strive to obtain
this by great effort, [47] wearying and fatiguing their faculties and

their heads; and when they have not found this pleasure they become
greatly discouraged, thinking that they have accomplished nothing.
Through these efforts they lose true devotion and spirituality, which
consist in perseverance, together with patience and humility and
mistrust of themselves, that they may please God alone. For this
reason, when they have once failed to find pleasure in this or some
other exercise, they have great disinclination and repugnance to return
to it, and at times they abandon it. They are, in fact, as we have

said, like children, who are not influenced by reason, and who act, not
from rational motives, but from inclination. [48] Such persons expend
all their effort in seeking spiritual pleasure and consolation; they
never tire therefore, of reading books; and they begin, now one

meditation, now another, in their pursuit of this pleasure which they

desire to experience in the things of God. But God, very justly, wisely

and lovingly, denies it to them, for otherwise this spiritual gluttony
and inordinate appetite would breed innumerable evils. It is,
therefore, very fitting that they should enter into the dark night,
whereof we shall speak, [49] that they may be purged from this childishness.

John of the Cross on Friendship

 6. Sometimes, again, there arises within these spiritual persons,
   whether they be speaking or performing spiritual actions, a certain
   vigour and bravado, through their having regard to persons who are
   present, and before these persons they display a certain kind of vain
   gratification. This also arises from luxury of spirit, after the manner
   wherein we here understand it, which is accompanied as a rule by
   complacency in the will.

   7. Some of these persons make friendships of a spiritual kind with
   others, which oftentimes arise from luxury and not from spirituality;
   this may be known to be the case when the remembrance of that
   friendship causes not the remembrance and love of God to grow, but
   occasions remorse of conscience. For, when the friendship is purely
   spiritual, the love of God grows with it; and the more the soul
   remembers it, the more it remembers the love of God, and the greater
   the desire it has for God; so that, as the one grows, the other grows
   also. For the spirit of God has this property, that it increases good
   by adding to it more good, inasmuch as there is likeness and conformity
   between them. But, when this love arises from the vice of sensuality
   aforementioned, it produces the contrary effects; for the more the one
   grows, the more the other decreases, and the remembrance of it
   likewise. If that sensual love grows, it will at once be observed that
   the soul's love of God is becoming colder, and that it is forgetting
   Him as it remembers that love; there comes to it, too, a certain
   remorse of conscience. And, on the other hand, if the love of God grows
   in the soul, that other love becomes cold and is forgotten; for, as the
   two are contrary to one another, not only does the one not aid the
   other, but the one which predominates quenches and confounds the other,
   and becomes strengthened in itself, as the philosophers say. Wherefore
   Our Saviour said in the Gospel: That which is born of the flesh is
   flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.' [38] That is to
   say, the love which is born of sensuality ends in sensuality, and that
   which is of the spirit ends in the spirit of God and causes it to grow.
   This is the difference that exists between these two kinds of love,
   whereby we may know them.

   8. When the soul enters the dark night, it brings these kinds of love
   under control. It strengthens and purifies the one, namely that which
   is according to God; and the other it removes and brings to an end; and
   in the beginning it causes both to be lost sight of, as we shall say
   hereafter.

Church Clothes

Church

What I see

We had a plan to build a wall
A great divide that would never fall
To separate us
From all the pain
And keep our skeletons locked away

And brick by brick
We built it so thick
That it blacked out the sky and all the sunlight
And one by one
We all became numb
We were making the bullets to a broken gun

If I could just see it all
Just like a fly on the wall
Would I be able to accept what I can't control?
And would I share what I saw?
Or just sit back and ignore
Like nothing never happened
And I haven't seen you before?

Where my heart is:

I wanna live, I wanna be the change
We can all be kings and queens
If we can just learn to believe
If we can just learn to believe

John of the Cross' perspective on new christians

AS these beginners feel themselves to be very fervent and diligent in spiritual things and devout exercises, from this prosperity (although it is true that holy things of their own nature cause humility) there often comes to them, through their imperfections, a certain kind of secret pride, whence they come to have some degree of satisfaction with their works and with themselves. And hence there comes to them likewise a certain desire, which is somewhat vain, and at times very vain, to speak of spiritual things in the presence of others, and sometimes even to teach such things rather than to learn them. They condemn others in their heart when they see that they have not the kind of devotion which they themselves desire; and sometimes they even say this in words, herein resembling the Pharisee, who boasted of himself, praising God for his own good works and despising the publican. [21] 2. In these persons the devil often increases the fervour that they have and the desire to perform these and other works more frequently, so that their pride and presumption may grow greater. For the devil knows quite well that all these works and virtues which they perform are not only valueless to them, but even become vices in them. And such a degree of evil are some of these persons wont to reach that they would have none appear good save themselves; and thus, in deed and word, whenever the opportunity occurs, they condemn them and slander them, beholding the mote in their brother's eye and not considering the beam which is in their own; [22] they strain at another's gnat and themselves swallow a camel. [23]


 Oh how this has applied to me in many ways.

Happiness or the Dark Night

The state of perfection defined by John of the Cross: union of love with God.


This is what my soul longs for. Yet it comes with a cost. During the time of darkness for the soul, it walks through the strait and narrow path to God. The soul goes through many trials, strifes. But looking back the soul sees that time as exercise and a blessing to its very soul guiding it nearer into the arms of God, walking in unity and love in Him.


This brought me to my thought of happiness. How can you attain happiness in a fallen world without God? You cannot. Perfect happiness is not individualistic, humanistic, or found in a heaven of our own imagination such as platonic ideas or prosperity americanized ideas. These ideas make happiness the end goal, or even the means to perfect happiness. But that's not in any correlation to Christ's life on earth, as the suffering servant. Finding happiness then, becomes our idolatry. Perfect happiness is only a byproduct of unity with God, not the source. If we are living our lives so that we can find happiness or be happy, that is our failure. Our end goal should be the desire to have unity with God.