My Honor

"He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him." John 7:18

"My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge." Psalm 62:7

"You'll know that you are making progress in becoming a servant of Christ by how you respond when someone treats you like one." -Unknown

Love these two verses and the quote. Definitely been a defining moment in my walk with the Lord this summer when I came across a study that quoted these two verses and just a reminder to me of who I am.

Many times, we get caught up in wanting to be honored and respected by people. I know for myself, I would rather be overlooked than honored because I know I have such an ego. I hate my ego so much. The reason why is because nothing could ever please me when I rely on my ego. It is definitely my enemy. I have to constantly work on humbling myself, and so I really needed to read those verses.
You know when you get paranoid about what people think about you? Well, if you don't, then you're a stronger person than I, because I of course do care about what people think of me. However, what I realized through how God has brought pain and conflict into my life this year, is this: my honor depends on Him. God shares His glory with no one. It is the most amazing reality to say that and to believe it. The Almighty shares His glory with no one. He will not share His glory with me. I am just a tool in His great plan, and I will be used for whatever He purposes for it. I am nothing before the Almighty.
You know what is also really cool? The Almighty became nothing for His nothing. lol It is basically the greatest form of love, and if people really took the story of the Gospel to heart they would see how beautiful it is. It is really sad because the Gospel story is over used in our American society, we lose the passion and power of it through a "feel good" fake christianity and power hungry religious institutions. I guess what it comes down to, and what I realized, is that people don't want to hear the Gospel anymore, they want to see the Gospel. The really sad thing is, not many "christians" show the Gospel in their lives.

In all honesty, sometimes I feel like the only one who actually still cares about doing that. Other times, I feel like I don't care enough. haha I realized, I can't compare myself to other christians or other people, I have to remain in my identity, Christ.

I am also learning a lot about the church, and even though I know what the church is suppose to be like, and I also know it is very rare to find a genuine, real, church in this society, my whole perspective is changing. My perspective of the church has always been, the people of course, but I am beginning to see and desire it see it act out. I know that is why I feel so out of place here. I don't feel like I fit. I mean, yes, I fit with people, and I get along with people, but I still feel like a wanderer. Don't know where I am suppose to be yet. All I know is that I am waiting. What is cool about waiting, I learned this from my friend Melissa the other night, she was saying how waiting on the Lord doesn't just mean you sit there and do nothing. But if you look at the term "wait" as you would look at, "waiter" what are you doing then? You are serving as the Lord guides you to His purpose. You aren't just sitting there and waiting for a revelation from God, you are doing stuff, you are busying yourself, you are serving and loving others. I realized, by reading christians' biographies, and hearing about others' lives, that when you submit to the Will of God, He will guide you to what you have been purposed for. Otherwise, you will just wander, going from one purpose to the next, or just not even caring for knowing your purpose. I realized the most stable decision I have made is what I am doing with my life, and that is loving God. lol

Maybe I was meant to wander, to remain unsettled, who knows, I don't know the last time I have felt settled or sure of something. The only thing that I am sure of, is that I want to love God in whatever area of life I am in, and in whatever circumstance I am under. To honor Him above myself, and to be right before His throne. Who knows what this year has for me, and what God has planned for those who wait for Him.

Getting in the mind of two christian woman...

A good friend of mine and I of course have our times when we talk about guys and all the normal stuff girls talk about. Well, I came across a text I saved from her that I just thought I'd share.

July 13, 2009

"I think I have discovered something common among men. They lack self confidence and therefore are often too ashamed or fearful of what people think to be honest. Our culture encourages this. Even the men who are outgoing appear confident but it is an act to cover up their low self-esteem. Maybe the truly confident (an identity only found in Christ) are the most humble and HONEST men you'll ever meet. Next time I am going for one of those. Lol I want someone who can admit their failures, doubts and worries about life without fearing my reaction because they totally FEAR our God."

O my Strength

Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I needed to read this today. I was praying in tears asking God to just speak to my heart what He had to say to me and remind me of what I am forgetting. Yesterday I was an emotional wreck, today I'm pressing on.

The human self is so strange, I'm all pathos while my logos is saying, "you know you're being irrational" I hate how pathos takes control. It is so weird to be so divided, because logically it doesn't make sense why I feel so sad, but apparently my pathos/feelings take the dominant role. It's tough being a woman. Satan knows the best way to attack my kind too, go for the pathos. I am perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. Mean world, I will never be your victim. I will fight you full force with my God and my Saviour on my side. My God who turns our curse into blessings who gives us strength so that WE will be empowered. "Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places." Deuteronomy 33:29 God doesn't just deliver us He empowers us. He wants to make demons tremble before you. Ever wonder if God wants to get the job done why He uses us to do it and not just do it Himself? He does it to show us that we can do it, that with His strength we have the power to make our enemies cower before us. God doesn't just deliver us He empowers us!

Mean world, I will not be your victim I will fight you, my God who empowers me to do so and my Saviour who has overcome you. "I have told you these things so that in me you will have peace, in this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Brothers and Sisters, we are not meant to be victims of this world, we are meant to fight against this world.

"I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith." 1 Timothy 1:18-19

We are to fight, THE good fight.

Mean world, I will not let you harden my heart, you may wound it, hurt it, break it, but you can never destroy it. My heart belongs to God and He is the only one who gives me the strength to love in ways I could never love if I relied on events, people, circumstances, or myself. No matter how much you may wring my heart, it will remain soft. I will not let you turn me into stone. I am alive and free, my identity is within Christ and I don't need to guard it, it is already secure.

"O my Strength, I watch for you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God"

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God."

Psalm 59:9,16-17

Reversal

"...they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in Aram Naharaim to pronounce a curse on you. However, the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the LORD your God loves you." Deuteronomy 23:4b-5

God can take our curse and turn it into a blessing. In fact God has overturned our curse and made it a blessing through Christ. God overturned what was once a curse into an eternal blessing.

Today I was reading the Word and thinking about these things, Galatians 3 came to mind when I was considering these thoughts. It referenced Deuteronomy 21:23-25 this ancient Hebrew book of law states,

"If a man guilty of a capital offense is put to death and his body is hung on a tree, you must not leave his body on the tree overnight. Be sure to bury him that same day, because anyone who is hung on a tree is under God's curse." Deuteronomy 21:22-23

I've read that before in the past, but today it just brought tears to my eyes to realize how this is in the Torah, the Old Testament. We look a thousand years later, to find the Son of Man hung on a tree. Christ overturned our curse that began in the Garden and reversed it to an eternal blessing.

I've been thinking and considering a lot lately, and the most amazing thing that I've thought about is the story of the Bible as a whole. I have to tell you, it is the most beautiful, well written, documented story in the whole span of history. As I go to college and continue in my history major as well as religious study major, I will let you know if I find anything more beautiful than the story of the Bible. ;-)

It is so sad to me when people see it as just this book of rules and regulations, and a way and means for man to control people. Of course as we look at history the irony is that the best way the religions were able to control people was by keeping them from reading their Bibles. The people were told to just trust what the religious institution told them the Bible said because they didn't want anyone "misinterpreting" it.

All I have to say is, thank God for the reformation. Thank God for those who stood against their societies and were able to translate the Bible into other languages in order to free the captive souls from the bondage of religion. I continually pray for the same today. That people will stop debating about the foolish most pointless things of this world and pick up their Bible and just stand in awe of their Creator. We live in the bondage of our religion. May God save us from these manmade institutions and lead us into His Sovereign kingdom.

"The kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." 1 Corinthians 4:20

I have heard of and seen that power in people's lives and hearts. There is no other story that can turn the human heart in such a way as to completely change one's identity from their own into something greater and ever lasting. I am not living as a religious individual, but as a Christ follower, on this inconsistent but stable journey with my Saviour. I am ready to follow you Lord, wherever you lead me.

Real Faith

Loving God by Charles Colson

Chapter 3: Faith and Obedience

Page 37-38

"So obedience is the key to real faith--the unshakeable kind of faith so powerfully illustrated by Job's life. Job lost his home, his family (except for a nagging wife), his health, even his hope. The advice of friends was no help. No matter where he turned, he could find no answers to his plight. Eventually he stood alone. But though it appeared God had abandoned him, Job clung to the assurance that God is who He is. Job confirmed his obedience with those classic words of faith: "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him."

This is real faith: believing and acting obediently regardless of circumstances or contrary evidence. After all, if faith depended on visible evidence, it wouldn't be faith. "We walk by faith, not by sight." the apostle Paul wrote.

It is absurd for Christians to constantly seek new demonstrations of God's power, to expect a miraculous answer to every need, from curing ingrown toenails to finding parking spaces; this only leads to faith in miracles rather than the Maker.

True faith depends not upon mysterious signs, celestial fireworks, or grandiose dispensations from a God who is seen as a rich, benevolent uncle; true faith, as Job understood, rests on the assurance that God is who He is. Indeed, on that we must be willing to stake our very lives.

There was a time when eleven men did just that. They stakes their lives on obedience to their leader, even when doing so was contrary to all human wisdom. That act of obedience produced a faith that emboldened them to stand against the world and, in their lifetimes, change it forever."

Loving God by Charles Colson

Chapter 4: Take Up and Read

Page 47

Saint Augustine before his acceptance to salvation:

"The philosophers have helped me understand the Bible," Augustine admitted. He explained that until recently he had believed that only what he could see, measure, rationally and systematically prove could be real. The idea of an invisible spiritual God seemed just talk. But studying Plato and his followers had convinced him that the real things were invisible, spiritual.

"This has helped me a great deal." Augustine was candid to fault. Yet he watched Ponticianus carefully, his posture tense. "But there is a major difference. To follow Plato, one merely thinks like Plato. To follow Christ is something much more. You must put your whole life into it and leave behind whatever hinders you from following Him. I don't know what it is exactly that enables a man to give himself to God--to commit himself to a life of sacrifice and faith. That's more than adopting a particular point of view isn't it?"

Ponticianus nodded, as did Alypius. Alypius, younger than Augustine, practically worshiped the scholar.

Wrapped in his own thoughts, Augustine went on speaking, almost as though working out a problem for himself. "Plato takes you up on a high mountain peak where you can see the land of peace. But you do not know how to get there. There must be a highway leading straight to that land, but you can't find it." He shook his head wearily. Augustine had few illusions about himself. He knew how easily his mind fell into habits and was changed by them. His women. His pride. I am utterly depraved, he thought, and the mind alone is no match for the seduction of evil pleasure.

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle...

"That's why tough guys seldom know much of God; people who are confident of their own abilities, confident in what they've done what they've achieved, what they've built, what they've made, what they've earned. It is easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than for such individuals to enter the kingdom of heaven. Why? because before you discover God's power and strength in all of its fullness you're brought face to face with your own total abject poverty and weakness. " -Alistair Begg

"The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:26,27

Hence why we pray. It is the only communication we have to reach the Almighty One within this fallen world.

Beth Moore it up!

I'm doing a Bible study with other women of this church that I attend locally. (includes my own mom) They are such sweet and kind older women, I love the environment. We are doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Esther. Very good study. The theme of this 9 week long study is, "It is tough being a woman." We had to write some notecards down and I thought I'd share with you what we had to write down as homework before next weeks study. What we had to do was write down the statement and then on the other side of the notecard write down verses that put your mindset back on what matters. I hope they encourage you as they seem helpful for me. :-)

It's tough being a woman...

1. in another woman's shadow.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty" Psalm 91:1

2. in a world where beauty is a treatment.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

3. in a mean world.

"I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith." 1 Timothy 1:18-19

4. thrown a giant size weight.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"However, the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the LORD your God loves you." Deuteronomy 23:5

5. in the tight fist of fear.

"Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places." Deuteronomy 33:29

"After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes." Nehemiah 4:14

"See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." Isaiah 49:16

6. who can balance passion with patience.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" Isaiah 30:18

7. who feels responsible for the "how"

"if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgement, while continuing their punishment." 2 Peter 2:9

"for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:14

I just came across some notes I took on a sermon.

"Religion is anything of making us to get to God. It is either pride or despair. Jesus offers grace. Pride -> "I will please God by my works." Despair -> "I cannot match up to this list."

It comes down to this: Walk with God. So often we complicate our relationship with God.

John 15:4-5 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Apart from God we cannot do anything. If we're not connected to Him we can do nothing for Him. Walk with God."

After talking with a friend last night, we were discussing how we as people can use other people and good christian things such as church or bible study, to grow us in our walk with God. However, even though those things are helpful, the source of our strength does not come from those things. The source of our strength comes when one is by themselves, reading the Bible and praying.

A lot of people look at me and think of me as "super christian" it is really annoying. haha I am guessing, they see a difference in me? In all reality I really don't like being different, I'd rather hide in the crowd, it would be easier that way. but ya know being set apart as I feel sometimes, it does not come from me or going to church. It comes from the time I spend in the Word of God. The best moments I have had are when I am digging in and learning from the Bible on my own with no one distracting me or helping me. When that happens it overflows into my life and my heart. How I view circumstances and treat people.

I am such a Bible nerd. It is rather embarrassing when you're around people who don't study or read the Bible and who actually have never read it in their life. Then when someone closer to me asks me a biblical question in front of them, those listening are like, "wow she's really religious" ick. haha Hate that word, "religious" to describe me. lol I guess I have to get over that and just do what I have been called to do. Love.

I guess my desire is to show people what real christians are like and how to be one. I'll end with a St. Francis of Assisi quote,

"Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words"

An Excerpt from a Thought

"Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." Genesis 4:6,7

I just skimmed over this chapter tonight and these two verses jumped out to me. I realized this is the first time the word "sin" is ever mentioned in the Bible. It is the character, God, who uses the word. I also realized, this is the next story after the fall, and the character of God portrayed in this story shows God's care for his created beings. It fascinated me as I read it and it also serves as a reminder to me. Those are very wise words. Very deep words. I would never expect them in this story, yet there they are.

Your voice is so quiet because our sin is so loud. Don't be silent God.

Dig

"For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ."

1 Corinthians 2:16 KJV

"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:15 NIV

"The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him, and he will shew them his covenant." Psalm 25:14 KJV

"For the perverse person is an abomination to the LORD, but His secret counsel is with the upright." Proverbs 3:32 NKJV

"The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law." Deuteronomy 29:29 NIV

I've been going on various message boards online and reading views of skeptics when it comes to religion and God and all the spiritual things that can keep one up all night thinking about. There are a lot of questions of God that people cannot explain. It has caused me to just sit there and think until my brain hurts.

Yesterday I rested in my mind and decided to put all those questions behind me and took the time and spent it reading the Word. It is a beautiful thing when you read the Bible, but you know what is more fulfilling? When you dig into those Words and search for understanding rather than just encouragement for the day. The deeper I dig, the harder I look, the more of God I find. The Bible is an incredible book. Critics can say a lot against it, but it is put together so incredibly that whether you believe it or not, you just have to sit back and me amazed at how well it is put together and thought out.

I sat there with The Book in front of me not knowing where I wanted to read. I asked the Holy Spirit to enlighten the words of the page because in all honesty, we cannot understand anything of God without knowing His Spirit. (1 Corinthians 2:11-12) I am just amazed at the syntax of this book, the whole story behind it.

I'm doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Esther and she was talking about how the Bible is filled with a "reversal of destiny." I never realized that but it is true. From the book of Genesis destiny was reversed, to the book of Revelation which reveals the reversal of destiny through the Lamb of God. The more I read the Bible I understand the reasons for the stories within it. Everything is about God revealing Himself to man.

The other day I was digging into Ezra, the more time I spent reading and really trying to understand the concept of the passage I read the more emotion I saw in it. The pages came to life. Have you ever done that with a book before? When you just fall right into the pages of it, and you become part of the story? When you do that with the Bible the story captivates your soul. When the story is historical like the book of Ezra (it is recording the exiles and the Medo-Persian kings of that time) you realize the reality of these people and the reality of God. It is so mysterious how God reveals His character through the Bible and through people.

I've questioned all that a skeptic questions of God, it really does keep you from trusting the Bible because there are so many questions. However, I'm beginning to realize why C.S. Lewis refers to some of these as nonsense questions because they are never-knowing questions. These never-knowing questions are just ways for people to keep themselves from having to fall on their knees before God and acknowledge that we are not God and we have no control. That there is only one God, the true and holy One, the Creator of the universe. No one wants to completely devote their life to the someone beyond themselves. Why? because it is the fear of the unknown, the foolish result of not knowing. How foolish to believe in the God of the Bible.

One question I've been pondering is, I don't know how evil came into existence or why God allowed it to flourish in the way that it did. I really don't understand the concept of a Holy God and evil, and how the Holy God puts limitations on evil but hasn't destroyed it completely and why He'd allow it to corrupt His created human beings. I don't understand why that is, but what I do see is that there is more to God than just this infinite being that allows things to happen, that allows evil to exist and spoil other areas of his creation. The story of this god, from what I have found, is that instead of just letting these corrupted created creatures go destroy themselves, this god has shown compassion on them. The story in Genesis, shows how after God curses Adam and Eve and kicks them out of the Garden because they sinned, this same God then provides clothing for them. He clothes them, to cover their exposure. What uncaring God would do such a thing? We can ask the question, if God was so caring why does He allow evil to exist? but have you ever asked the question, if God is so uncaring why does He still speak to His created beings? If God is so uncaring who is this Jesus of Nazareth character? If God is so uncaring, why are there so many happy to do people proclaiming Him? Why are many of these happy people not material? Why are they suffering yet joyful in it? Why do they have hope? If our Creator is so uncaring, why as created beings do we have this sense of "hopefulness" within us? If our Creator was so uncaring, wouldn't we have that innate sense that there is no hope? I don't know, I'm probably just rambling a bunch of nonsense but that has been on my mind.