I would rather be shaken up than be at peace in my sin.

I would rather be inconvenienced throughout a day than waste the treasures set in eternity from that day.

"If a drunkard signs the pledge, or a rich man gives all his money away, they are both of them freeing themselves from their slavery to alcohol or riches, but not from their bondage to themselves. They are still moving in their own little orbit, perhaps even more than they were before. They are still subject to the commandment of works, still as submerged in the death of the old life as they were before. Of course, the work has to be done, but of itself it can never deliver them from death, disobedience and ungodliness. If we think our first step is the pre-condition for faith and grace, we are already judged by our work, and entirely excluded from grace. Hence the term "external work" includes everything we are accustomed to call "disposition" or "good intention," everything which the Roman Church means when it talks of facere quod in se est. If we take the first step with the deliberate intention of placing ourselves in the situation where faith is possible, even this possibility of faith will be nothing but a work. The new life it opens to us is still a life within the limits of our old existence, and therefore a complete misapprehension of the true nature of the new life. We are still in unbelief."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The Cost of Discipleship, pages 65-66

Worst part about it. . .

"As I pursued what I was told would make my life better
Closer I got I found out it made my life deader
Journeyed on this star trek, begging to be made whole
My heart became a black hole, no Captain Kirk though
Darkness surrounded me, evil confounded me
Worst part about it, it was all found in me" -Pro "Before I Die"

I love this part of his song. The lyrics are so true. Evil is inside each of us, we are the problem before the Holy God. The acknowledgement of sin at a personal level is so uncommon and yet so needed in our society. Change happens when an individual is convicted of the problem and takes responsibility to act against it. I don't know why this happens and what it says about the core of a person intellectually and psychologically, to decide to change in response to personal conviction. All I know is before God we stand condemned and it is His Holy Spirit (not the "Holy Catholic Church" or any holy church) that convicts us of sin. John 16:8-11

I love those lyrics because I have seen this in my own heart. I feel all these things that make me unhappy thinking the problem rests on someone or something else, and what I find in digging deeper into myself and coming before God in prayer is that this problem is actually coming from inside me. My own evil heart feeds it.

I stopped telling God that I will do better next time whenever I confess my sin before Him. Especially a sin that is continual. The reason why is because I have come to realize I can never do better. My best motives are driven by an evil heart and before a holy God that means nothing to Him. It is total and utter dependence that He wants from me. The acknowledgment of His own heart, and his mercy and his grace, but also of his judgment. I stand accused and condemned before His holy court day and night. (Revelation 12:10)

How great His love is then. How important the cross is. As I am accused by the spiritual rulers and authorities, I have my Saviour standing on behalf of humanity. (1 Timothy 4:9-10)

"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him." Colossians 2:13-15

He put them to open shame. As my sin is exposed before the court of God, I am openly shamed before Him, so Jesus was openly shamed before the whole world, and yet because of His shame, he has openly shamed the work of evil and the destructive power of sin conquering death.

Human effort means nothing in God's economy. I intend to be sanctified by His Spirit each day as I fall before His thrown of grace with confidence. Knowing my sins have been washed away and I have been made white in the blood of the Lamb. (Revelation 7:14)

Why is it that I can never get a break? :-/

“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Praise You God

:-) It's so good to hear from a sister in Christ who is fighting in the faith, testing all things, and not quenching the Spirit's fire.

Praise you God for how amazing you are to humanity. My day today was of no value in godly fellowship, when it comes to going to church, I had to work. Though, my desires and longings far outweigh what any church "service" can gratify. I want community, and I don't want to learn anymore, I want to live it out.

God, thank you for even when I cannot go somewhere for community, you provide it in much greater ways.

Today I was feeling guilty because I didn't go to church and I honestly didn't have a desire to really go any way. I prayed about it, and I wanted to make sure that I didn't have any unfair judgmental attitudes that prevented me. As I wrestle with my thoughts, I spent time in the Word before entering work. It's weird desiring community and not able to get it from a church structure.

God you amaze me. Today I received texts from three amazing christian women in my life who were so blown away by God's Word. Two know each other but are not even in the same area while the other barely knows the other two. They didn't plan it. The Word of God just overflowed in them and they decided to share it with me. How blessed is this wandering and wretched soul of mine.

God knows how to fill my longings. I am utterly amazed right now.

Hm.

"I didn't need to be perfect I just needed to try. That was easy thing for me to understand. Then as began trying, it became easier to make better choices."

"We help each other do what's right. We go out of our way to be helpful in the community, we're honest in our business dealings, we're honorable people, and we really try to be worthy of our faith. We're not perfect, but we try to do good everyday."

____________________________________________________

“The biggest difference between Jesus Christ and ethical and moral teachers, who have been deified by men, is that these moralists came to make bad people good. Jesus came to make dead people live.” -from C-Lite’s “Sin is Wack” album (2011).

^"4 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, ⁵he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, ⁶whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."

Titus 3:4-7

^"38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. ³⁹ And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. ⁴⁰ For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." -John 6:38-40

Beautiful Feet by Lecrae

"Eric used to go to bible study as a kid
He got older and started doing what the hood did
A rival gang caught him slippin tried to take his life
But the jammed up so them beat him nice
He woke up in the hospital singing bible songs
Praise God he had a place to learn the bible from
But then he gets saved and wanna preach Christ they make him change his whole culture and way of life
He gotta get him a bachelors wear a suit and tie
Go to seminary
By then all of his boys will die
Jesus came to invade culture outta nazereth and used a couple fisherman who people saw as hazardous
The feet are beautiful if only they'd go
If ain't nobody in hood preaching how will they know?
Eric is better used taught trues in his context
Somebody please plant a church in his projects."

1 Timothy 1:3-11

³As I besought thee to abide still at Ephesus, when I went into Macedonia, that thou mightest charge some that they teach no other doctrine,

⁴Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.

⁵Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:

⁶From which some having swerved have turned aside unto vain jangling;

⁷Desiring to be teachers of the law; understanding neither what they say, nor whereof they affirm.

⁸But we know that the law is good, if a man use it lawfully;

⁹Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers,

¹⁰For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;

¹¹According to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which was committed to my trust.

Bread and Life

John 6:25-59

One of my new favorite passages of scripture. Jesus' followers remind me of religious church going people. Look at their questions and responses...

Jews: v. 28 "What must we do to do the works God requires?"

Jesus: v. 29 Definition of the work of God:"believe in the one he has sent."

Jews: v. 30 "What miracle/sign then will you give that we may see it and believe"

Basically saying, Proof you are from God, Jesus. They give an example of their forefathers and Moses with the miracle of manna from heaven that God provided through Moses His servant.

v. 32-33 Jesus basically states he has no need to prove it. Moses had to prove it because he was a man who God worked through. Jesus doesn't need to prove it because he is God, he is the sign. Hence why he says "For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

Jews: v. 34 The Jews then see that they need to get the bread in order to have eternal life so they tell him, "Give us this bread"

v.35 Here Jesus shows that he cannot give them the bread because HE IS THE BREAD! They aren't believing in him!! How can he give to them what they refuse to take?!?

The issue here is this: It is the same issue as it has been over and over again whenever Jesus talks with his own people. They do not believe in him. To go back to why this reminds me of religious church going people...

To the Jews in this passage, it is not just enough to believe in Jesus. You see in their response, "what must we do?" "what works does God require of us" and Jesus responds with, "believe in the one God sent" that's it! All that is required of us by God is to believe in Jesus, that HE is the Son of God, that HE is God, that HE is the bread of eternal life, that HE is the only way to eternal life. After we do that, the only thing that is required of us--all that's left is for us to just follow him by our works. See, this passage is just another of the many where it states that it is faith then works. The Jews were seeking works and then faith. "show us a sign then we will believe in you" where as Jesus said, "believe in me, and then do as I say"

Since they were refusing him Jesus then goes and basically says, "you want works? eat my flesh and drink my blood" if they had faith first this wouldn't have been such an issue for them to grasp and understand. The fact is though, they didn't believe and since they didn't believe they could not understand the significance of what Jesus was teaching them.

How in the world are we to understand what God wants from us, to find our "purpose" when we are not believing in Him? When we put our works, our good deeds, our own ways to a good spiritual life, before believing in Jesus. What does he say to the Teachers of the Law when debating with them?

"And the Father who sent me has himself testified concerning me. You have never heard his voice nor seen his form, nor does his word dwell in you, for you do not believe the one he sent. You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life." John 5:37-40

Here again, they are "working" to attain eternal life. They study their Scriptures all day, they know their Law inside and out, yet they refuse to go and believe in Jesus to have eternal life.

What does Paul warn Timothy about in 2 Timothy 3? You see that he starts to explain the habits of those who are godless, in particular he mentions men who are kind on the outside but their intentions are evil. Here's one way he describes how they are unfruitful and evil,

"always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth." 2 Timothy 3:7

Hm. Here it is. You may always attain knowledge and learn about the truth, but if you never acknowledge it as truth, then it will be one of the many ways as to tell whether or not you are truly one who follows God, who loves God.

I come from a background where knowledge is such a virtue to have. I always have a desire to learn and to attain knowledge. When I look back on my life and see how much knowledge that I have attained from the Bible yet questioning whether or not it is truth and I compare it to someone who just recently became a follower of Christ and how much they crave the knowledge but have so much passion and love for Jesus, how am I different from the Pharisees here? Life. Jesus is eternal life. If I don't believe that, and I just study that, I don't have that life.

How did Jesus describe it to the teachers of the law?

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean." Matthew 23:27

I don't know about you, but when I walk into some churches, it feels like this. I have such a desire to see life breathed into those hearts on Sunday mornings. We get so caught up in our ministries, our good works, our deeds, we neglect going to Jesus and therefore we decay inside.

Now, when reading chapter 23, if you read it in parts, and not take in the whole chapter you miss the whole passion in Jesus. You see, he curses their religiosity, but then his heart is broken for them. Look at verse 37

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing"

How heartbreaking!

So many times I have gone around looking down on those religious people, that self-righteous pride, the self-righteous arrogance, and I think to myself, "you guys are idiots" and I look on them with spite. Jesus did not look on the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law with spite! After he curses them he cries for them. He mourns for them! Our God is not a spiteful vengeful god. He is a loving God, desiring us to come to him!

My whole perspective on this has changed. My heart cries out and mourns for the religious, the do-gooders, those who are trying to attain their salvation and get their eternal security in what they do rather than going to God and loving Him and seeking HIM!

These people do not need to be debated with, they do not need to be slandered, they need to be loved, they need our cries, our tears to God in prayer.

How many times have you read this verse and never once thought to direct it towards someone else rather than your own sin?

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" Psalm 51:17

Are we becoming broken for these people before God? Or are we ignoring that, and just judging them?

The Spirit will move when God's people come together and pray in brokenness over the lostness of our country, over the spiritual decay of these white washed tombs.

Let us not fall into the trap of these sins. What does Paul warn the Galatian church in chapter 6?

Galatians 6:1 "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted"

We are all at risk to fall into the same sins as those who are in them. The reason I have passion for these religious people is because I use to be one of them. I would never admit it to myself, but my whole perspective on reading and writing and praying to God and about God was about me trying to be good, be trying to please God, me trying to attain the best possible knowledge out there. I would become overwhelmed, and when I fell into sin, I felt shame and guilt. The ironic thing is that I was brought up in good churches, that taught truth, but I viewed my circumstances in this sin for some strange reason.

The more I spend time in God's Word, with God's people, among the lost and broken, among the self-righteous and spiritually rich individuals who don't "need" to just believe in God, the more God takes me out and sets me apart in His Son, Jesus Christ.

My identity is no longer in my morality nor in my sin. My identity is in Christ. I am just as broken, sinful, self-righteous, and spiritually rich as the next person. Yet I have been set free from all those things, and now I am under my Savior and my God's wing, secure for eternity.

I'm amazed by this story. From Genesis to Revelation. God, who when he curses us and puts us in time out, sits with us through our time out. Where's my evidence of this? Genesis 4:1 soon after Eve has been cursed with pains in child birth what happens? "she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, "With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man."

God cannot be mocked when we sin, no doubt. (Galatians 6:7-8) Yet he will not despise us. (Psalm 51:17) Nor does He take pleasure in our spiritual decay or the death of souls. (Ezekiel 18:23,31-32)

Sigh. Love abounds. Justice prevails. Yet freedom is here, for all those who believe.

I love You, God.

"if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself." -2 Timothy 2:13

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

God will never forsake us.

to forsake: to abandon (someone or something)

He won't lead us and then leave us. He remains with us despite how we may feel.

...I have to keep reminding myself that.

Just An Image

You saw no form of any kind the day the LORD spoke to you at Horeb out of the fire.

Therefore watch yourselves very carefully,

so that you do not become corrupt

and make for yourselves an idol,

an image of any shape,

whether formed like a man

or a woman,

Deuteronomy 4:15-16

To whom do you worship? To whom do you put your trust in? To whom do you put faith in? To whom do you compare yourself to? To whom do you admire? Who's opinion matters most to you?

an idol, is an image of any shape. Whether paper, plastic, photography, ink, skin, flesh, blood, personality...need I list more?

Do not become corrupt. Guard yourself. Our world is absorbed in these things.

My Authority and My Duty

Regulations within the Covenant (treaty) set forth by the God of the Universe towards the Hebrew people.

King of Israel's duty:

"When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel." -Deuteronomy 17:18-20

It is the King's duty to read the law every single day. Why? To remind him that God is the king of the world, not him. Verse 20 implies that it is already a given that authority goes to the head, that is why the king is required to read the law every single day, as a reminder of where his authority lies in the grand scheme of things.

Today's sermon was on this. The speaker commented on how most of the time the Christian's excuse for not reading the Bible daily is due to busyness or not able to find time. Here is an example of someone, the King of Israel, commanded to find time. What do kings do? They run the whole country, negotiate with foreign kingdoms, prepare for battles, fight in wars, and yet the King of Israel is required to read the law every single day. I doubt any of us are busier than a king. I know I'm not.

Just a reminder to me, to stay in the Word daily.

I will not allow my authority over my life go to my head this week. It belongs to God. I gave it to Him, let Him use it as He sees fit.

"It is not necessary that we should discover new ideas in our meditation. It is sufficient and far more important, if the Word, as we read and understand it, penetrates and dwells within us." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Fools, Scripture, Humanity

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3:3-7

[Commenting on an incident involving a debate between two individuals on a news show]:
‎"[The Christian debater] he won the contest but made no progression in the actual war. He reinforced the identicate picture of the American Christian; Right Wing, Reactionary, Bourgeois, and totally intolerant of anybody else because the christian has forgotten that we ever lived in Titus 3 verse 3." -Alistair Begg
[taken from Truth For Life]

"And the Father who sent me has himself testified concerning me. You have never heard his voice nor seen his form, nor does his word dwell in you, for you do not believe the one he sent. You diligently study the Scriptures because you think by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life." John 5:37-40

I came across ^ last week and it certainly humbled me. When I read the Bible, I have learned to train my mind into thinking what it says about me. We can easily use this passage (and many others) and accuse someone else. The Scriptures weren't written for people to use as weapons against each other. They were written to be weapons against spiritual evil, against human nature. As I read this verse and affiliated it with me, it really humbled me. I question how many times I seek out Biblical text but never go to Jesus to have life for my day. I read without considering God sometimes. I read to make me feel good. Yet I never take the time to actually go to Christ. I don't surrender my heart in prayer. I don't always read with an open mind. I read with a hard heart. How in the world is the Spirit suppose to work if I refuse to let Him? Certainly something I am learning and questioning more seriously now.

I wrote this last week when I was having a pretty intense morning where nothing seemed to go right:

Thank you for those little things that can effect our whole day in negative ways. Those little moments of irritation when things don't go as expected. When technology doesn't work right, when people don't show, when you're late to appointments. All those things that remind us of human error. It's strange how we long for things that are perfect and yet there is no implication of perfection in this life. It is almost like we have to train our minds into believing in imperfection. Everything is cause and effect here. What is the cause of our sadness, our anger, our grievances, our displeasures, our stress, our needs?

"If humanism were right in declaring that man is born to be happy, he would not be born to die. Since his body is doomed to die, his task on earth evidently must be of a more spiritual nature." -Solzhenitsyn

I hope you were able to be blessed by this today.

Before and After

"If only there were someone to arbitrate between us, to lay his hand upon us both, someone to remove God's rod from me, so that his terror would frighten me no more. Then I would speak up without fear of him, but as it now stands with me, I cannot." Job 9:33-35

"If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?" 1 Samuel 2:25a

"But anyone who sins defiantly, whether native-born or alien, blasphemes the LORD, and that person must be cut off from his people." Numbers 15:30

"For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men--the testimony given in its proper time." 1 Timothy 2:5-6

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

If you don't get why the Gospel message is so powerful, it is probably because you don't understand the difference between standing before God before Jesus and standing before God after Jesus. The first 3 verses quoted were written in the Old Testament, while the last two are quoted in the New Testament.
I am simply amazed by this story.