American Christianity's great sin

From observing the media lately, there's been a lot of talk about homosexuality. Many Christians believe homosexuality is the great sin attacking the church right now in our era. I believe it's a sin but I don't believe the greatest sin in America and among evangelical Christianity is homosexuality. I also don't believe it is the greatest threat. I believe the issue of how homosexuality has come upon and into churches is a byproduct of a much deeper sin that has gone unchecked among the American church and that is: idolatry of marriage and family.

I grew up in an evangelical culture where I prayed for my husband and believed he was out there for me. That God had someone special just for me out there to complete me. I engaged in the evangelical culture of relationships and love and defined myself in that.

As I grew older I started to really think about who God is and that my whole life's goal was not to in the end glorify God but to glorify myself. This started to really stick with me... 

When I would go to church as a teenager and the pastor interviewed one of their staff members who was single, he would mention it to the "ladies" or "men" in the congregation of this. Hinting that that person was a great catch and needed to be married off.

As I attended college and started wrestling with this identity in relationships, I started realizing my idolatry was in marriage. In an imaginary man that didn't exist. I think why this relationship culture among evangelical christianity really makes me angry is because I had to wrestle through the consequences of that poison planted in my heart early on. I had to come to the realization that I wasn't meant to be married off. That God's whole plan for my life wasn't in marriage to a man. 

The question I started to really ask myself was would I be happy if I never got married. If I never ended up with someone, would I be okay? As I wrestled through broken relationships I came to the conclusion that I would be okay. I realized that all I wanted was the perfect one, God himself. In college I started realizing that my lack of faith was that I didn't believe God would actually take care of me. I believed I needed something or someone to do that. I realized my heart was committing idolatry before God. I worshipped this concept of stability when the Creator was already there providing it.

Walking away from that idolatry I feel surrounded by my brothers and sisters living in it. Preaching it. I just want to ask them…what are your thoughts on our Christian patriarch Paul who wrote in Romans: "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided…I say this not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord."?

Evangelical teachers and preachers promote marriage but Paul clearly didn't. The only time Paul actually dwelled on marriage is when he compared it to Christ and the Church, the place where his devotion lies. (Ephesians 5:21-33) Paul didn't promote marriage but addressed a concern that the body of believers were having during that time. Instead he promoted: good order and securing "undivided devotion" to God.

From these experiences and thoughts I've had over the last several years, I've started to question the following: when you put that single man or woman on a pedestal and encourage their singleness to be turned to marriage, could you actually be discouraging God's call for their life? Psychologically you remind them that in "your" view, singleness is not fulfilling and marriage is the right path. So you set their minds not on Christ but on a goal of earthly marriage. 

My question is…what if God didn't call that person you just promoted to marriage? Who are you to decide this person's calling… Paul talking of circumcision and uncircumcision, slavery and freedom in the same chapter regarding marriage says: "only, let every one lead the life which the Lord has assigned to him, and in which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches." He concludes by stating: "so, brethren, in whatever state each was called, there let him remain with God."

Notice the key word: with God. If marriage is for you then go into with God. If it is not for you then stay out of it with God. Wherever we go, we take God with us. HE is our devotion, HE is the one we are suppose to promote.

I guess as I write this I think about my own life now. I don't think marriage is wrong since I got married (ironically) but the step I took was me fighting off everything that idolizes marriage as well as secular single hood. I had to fight off my desire of what a perfect marriage looked like and also fight off my desire of how I couldn't travel and "change the world" as a single career minded woman. Both idolized myself. I don't want that. I also don't want to see my married brothers and sisters patronize my single brothers and sisters. That hurts me because there is so much spiritual potential for both. God created and called both to glorify Him in different areas. To reach people that only those certain circumstances could bring. Some are to have co-glorifers of God in the intimacy of marriage whereas others are to have co-glorifiers of God in the intimacy of brotherhood and sisterhood of singleness.

My fear in these things is that I too will become disengaged with spiritual reality and forget the beautiful lives my single brothers and sisters are living for the glory of our God. My hope and prayer is that I find a balance in approaching these two lifestyles and continually surrender my life to the worship of God.