Closer I got I found out it made my life deader
Journeyed on this star trek, begging to be made whole
My heart became a black hole, no Captain Kirk though
Darkness surrounded me, evil confounded me
Worst part about it, it was all found in me" -Pro "Before I Die"
I love this part of his song. The lyrics are so true. Evil is inside each of us, we are the problem before the Holy God. The acknowledgement of sin at a personal level is so uncommon and yet so needed in our society. Change happens when an individual is convicted of the problem and takes responsibility to act against it. I don't know why this happens and what it says about the core of a person intellectually and psychologically, to decide to change in response to personal conviction. All I know is before God we stand condemned and it is His Holy Spirit (not the "Holy Catholic Church" or any holy church) that convicts us of sin. John 16:8-11
I love those lyrics because I have seen this in my own heart. I feel all these things that make me unhappy thinking the problem rests on someone or something else, and what I find in digging deeper into myself and coming before God in prayer is that this problem is actually coming from inside me. My own evil heart feeds it.
I stopped telling God that I will do better next time whenever I confess my sin before Him. Especially a sin that is continual. The reason why is because I have come to realize I can never do better. My best motives are driven by an evil heart and before a holy God that means nothing to Him. It is total and utter dependence that He wants from me. The acknowledgment of His own heart, and his mercy and his grace, but also of his judgment. I stand accused and condemned before His holy court day and night. (Revelation 12:10)
How great His love is then. How important the cross is. As I am accused by the spiritual rulers and authorities, I have my Saviour standing on behalf of humanity. (1 Timothy 4:9-10)
"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him." Colossians 2:13-15
He put them to open shame. As my sin is exposed before the court of God, I am openly shamed before Him, so Jesus was openly shamed before the whole world, and yet because of His shame, he has openly shamed the work of evil and the destructive power of sin conquering death.
Human effort means nothing in God's economy. I intend to be sanctified by His Spirit each day as I fall before His thrown of grace with confidence. Knowing my sins have been washed away and I have been made white in the blood of the Lamb. (Revelation 7:14)
