To Be Whole

"Righteousness guards the man of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner." Proverbs 13:6

Integrity. The Latin word for integrity literally means, "entire."

Looking up the word Integrity in the dictionary, I came across words that led up to it,

Integer is a mathematical term, meaning a whole number, it is not a fraction.

Integral "Entire. Essential to completeness."

Integrate "Unite. Blend into a whole."

Integrity "comes from being complete, undivided, whole."

Brought to my mind the cute little romantic terminology that we as girls melt over when a guy says to a girl, "you complete me." In all honesty I never believed it or really fell for it, when guys say that to girls, because I would never want to complete a man. Why? My reasoning since I have grown up even as a teenager has been, you do not need a partner to become whole. I've always seemed to have known that, I have not always wanted to believe it because it is way easier to depend on other people. As I study more and more about finding the "self" in this stage of life, I understand more and more why people cannot and should not "complete" one another and how I have no desire for that in my own heart and life. A person cannot complete another person, otherwise that person is only half of a person. Preferably as a single woman just living life and of course desiring to have someone to share it with, I don't want to share my life with half a man, I want to share it with a full man. lol

From observing and experiencing, I have come to the conclusion that integrity is of great value because I have found that men and women of integrity compliment each other's wholeness.

To be righteous; "acting or being in accordance with what is just, honorable, and free from guilt or wrong."

A person of integrity addresses and deals with past wrongs so that they remain guilt free. I have come to find that those who have the most guilt are the ones with the hard hearts, those who are closed up, because by doing so they cannot feel their guilt. The tragedy of closing up and hardening ones self is that you are not whole. You are still scattered and many times you end up searching for someone else to make you feel whole, however, that person, object, circumstance, will never make you whole, no matter how it makes you feel in the moment.

Soft hearts however, are those who have dealt with their guilt and therefore are free to live in wholeness. "Need people less, love people more." Individuals of integrity are capable of loving and giving because they are not in need of wholeness or completeness.

The reason men and women of faith strive to live and practice righteousness is not to attain perfection, but to maintain their wholeness. By doing so, they then can provide care and love to those who are searching and trying to find wholeness in and of themselves.

When you do not guard your integrity/wholeness through righteousness, you will be overpowered, overthrown, fallen victim, hard and cold, to this world.

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In all honesty, the reason I can state these things are because of my experiences with them. I have experienced dealing with my own hard heart, with having to soften my heart (that hurts), with wanting to feel complete and not attaining it, to feeling in need and incomplete. I hope you know that this was something I studied and wrote out today from reading Proverbs and being inspired by a devotional I've been doing. I struggle to be a person of integrity just as much as you do, and I hope that you know that. What I have discovered from this study today is that, to be a person of integrity, does not come from doing the right things, but it starts with dealing with yourself. I felt this past week that I could not attain integrity or being a wise and joyful person. My thoughts were consuming me, I felt so restless in them, and it came down to the very fact that I was not facing myself. If you do not deal with yourself, you will have a hard time and may not be able to deal with the stuff that comes your way as the day drags on. Reading encouraging Bible verses, singing worship songs, and prayer, can only go so far, you can do all three of those things yet never face yourself. Believe me, I have been one to deceive myself in that way. In order to face yourself, you have to take time out of your day to expose yourself before the wisdom of Scripture and acknowledge what you are. These are the beginning steps toward becoming a man or woman of wholeness, completeness, integrity.

The church I attend here at school is off campus but near the short north which is also known as the art district. The church itself does not look like a church, when you walk in it looks like a small gallery with tall tables and chairs, and as you continue in you see a small stage with chairs around for worship service. I love churches like these. On the walls inside by the tall tables and chairs they have artwork that was donated. As I was looking at some of the work, I came across an artist, specifically, a photographer that I really liked. Her name is Janelle Vagaier. Vagaier wrote this, explaining the reason behind her style of photography.

[mis] perceptions.

The world inside is in conflict with the world outside. Thoughts when allowed to run rampant and out of control, confuse and muffle the voice of truth, causing deception. Tension between what is perceived and what is real results.

The camera supposedly captures reality. However, this assumption does not always ring true. Manipulations can occur on many levels. Using inconsistencies of toy and handmade cameras, I created a series of images that distort reality.

The distortion of the camera is a metaphor for the distortions that exist in our minds. People have misconstructed perceptions of self, knowledge, time, the world, God, and others. Recently I have been challenged to face the misperceptions I believe, acknowledging that they exist and pursue truth. I know I am not alone in this struggle.

Thinking

I don't know if I'm meant to do great things in this life or if I'm meant to live at all but that doesn't matter because I'm going to do something that I believe is of value. I may never know if the directions I take are right or wrong. Life's a journey and each choice I make will either lead me to my own destiny or what God has destined for me...and even if God's not real, he was worth living for.

"Whatever game He is playing with his creation he has kept his own rules and played fair. He can exact nothing from man that he has not exacted from himself. He has himself gone through the whole of human experience from the trivial irritations of family, life, and the cramping restrictions of hard work and lack of money to the the worst horrors of pain and humiliation, defeat, despair, and death. When he was a man, he played the man therefore he was born in poverty and died in disgrace and thought it well worthwhile." -Dorothy Sayers