"God Have Mercy On Me, a Sinner"
Where do I start?.....sin.
Ya know what's interestingly sad? It seems the word "sin" is acceptable in society. Being "bad" being "naughty" is what we should strive for. I realized why I was so confused when I was younger as I would hang out with unbelieving men and women, and I was confused as to where they stood with what is good. What is acceptable to them? Is it wrong to be pure? They didn't look down upon purity...at least it seemed like that. I realized, people look at purity as something that's rare and will get corrupted eventually. Why? It's because of the very nature of sin within our hearts.Those who don't live for Christ and strive for a God-centered life, to them sin is acceptable. Scandulous sin is appealing. to an extent at least..
Now let's go to the other extreme, the believing men and women I would also hang out with. You could easily see judgement, envy, jealous, anger, and sadly a sort of gossip on their tongues. I also became confused when I was around them. What is acceptable to them? Being impure isn't acceptable of course. Scandulous sin is evil and should be glared it.
It seems as though church society and secular society clashes with one another. Yet what I realized is, before God, I am a sinner. Before God, nothing is acceptable to Him. I am a sinner.
I'm reading Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges, and just the second and third chapter was convicting to me. I like how he defines sin, "Sin is a principle or moral force in our heart, our inner being. Our sinful actions, words, and thoughts are simply expressions of the principle of sin residing within us, even in those of us whose hearts have been renewed."
Monday I felt so overwhelmed with my sin. I was overwhelmed with my subtle sins, judging someone on how they were acting or dressing, being bitter towards others, entertaining thoughts of making myself seem better than others, and it just put me in a rut. I can't control those sins, and yet I feel as a Christian I have to. I can't let those sins fester if I know in my heart they are there, I have to deal with them, and I became overwhelmed and discouraged. Last night I was also dealing with it. Sin is just such a cancerous and disgusting disease to have. But this morning, even when I was drenched in sinful thoughts once again, I decided to re-read chapter 2 and 3 of Respectable Sins. I thought I had everything down, and I was fine with my sin, and I just had to deal with not thinking in that way anymore, and just ignoring it and "hey, maybe next time I'll resist thinking that way" no. God revealed to me my heart truly. "God have mercy on me, a sinner" and as I kept reading I became overwhelmed again. I asked myself, "if I offend God, if I despise Him and His law every time I sin...how can He deal with me? Not only that, how can He deal with not just my sin, but the sins of every one else in this world, being constantly offended by them? That seems impossible! How can He be real? This must be a flaw in christianity."
Then I was reminded, a need reminder, of what the Gospel is all about.
"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6
duh! How could I forget that? This is the power of the cross. This is the power of who Jesus is, and what He came to do. This is the beauty and glory of the Gospel. It humbles the most prideful heart, it gives grace to those who are are inadequate. This is the Gospel!
God sent His Son, as an atoning sacrifice for OUR sin! It's the only way I can live at peace with God. I can't fix my sin on my own. I can't, because I am so entrapped by it. But with the Holy Spirit's power I am able to.
God really humbles me in this aspect. Jerry Bridges mentions the parable Jesus told of the Pharisee and the tax collector. Luke 18:9-14 He talks about how the Pharisee prays, "God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get." (v 11)
This is my favorite part of the story..."But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner." " (v13)
Now, when I pray, I don't pray like the Pharisee, but what I realized, what God revealed to me through His Word is that, I think like the Pharisee does. "At least I'm not like her," "at least I don't treat people like that.." in order to think I'm on good terms with God, I compare myself with other sinners. That hides and ignores the truth of who I truly am though. When I compare myself before God on His holy throne, I am a sinner. When I compare myself with God, I'm worse than any murderer, any adulterer, any robber out there. Here's another thing I discovered, when I compare myself with God, I see my own sin, and have pity and sorrow on those who commit sin without realizing it everyday as well as the most scandulous criminials. Why? "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst." 1 Timothy 1:15
God reveals to me my scandulous heart. He has searched me and knows me. (Psalm 139:1) I despise God daily (2 Samuel 12:10). I know this, and I am saved from this. The most scandulous criminal to the most law abiding citizen are all in need of this message. Sin is sin.
Bridges takes this idea from a puritan in saying, "It does not matter whether our sin is scandalous or respectable, all our sin is sinful, only sinful, and altogether sinful." I am the worst of sinners because I know better. I know Christ came to die for my place, and yet I have lived like that means nothing to me. I have pity on those who live in that way and mourn for those who's hearts cannot be moved by this message, because it frees the very bondage sin has on an individual. and yet, they cannot see that.
Quoting Bridges again, "All sin, even sin that seems so minor in our eyes, is lawlessness. It is not just the breaking of a single command; it is a complete disregard for the law of God, a deliberate rejection of His moral will in favor of fullfilling one's own desires."
I act upon God's law, as a lawless citizen, a scandulous child of God. There is nothing I can do in my own power to save my soul from this.
It is only by Christ's amazing salvation through His death on the Cross, that saves such a sinner like myself.
I thank my Lord, and Savior for saving me, a sinner, and for God, my Father, having mercy on my scandulous being. Thank you for humbling me today.
