Writing Exercise

I wrote this probably like last month. A friend told me whenever he is overwhelmed with anxiety or over thinking he just writes out whatever comes to mind. I started doing it too. It is extremely helpful. I question whether or not to share some of my thoughts on a blog because you can really show a lot of yourself through it, and I am not always proud of my self. However, I thought maybe this was good to share. I hope by sharing this writing it relates to you and helps you to understand you're not alone. Sorry if this sounds emo lol For those who know me in person they could never believe me to be emo and I'm not, I just try to be real.


These demons keep coming to me. My understanding of this life is so shallow. The more I learn I either find peace or don't find peace. It doesn't matter what I know, it matters what I feel. I still feel broken. I still feel my wounds. Pride... lifting myself up only makes it worse. It is this constant cloud pressing on my heart. Everyone is silent. Reason presents truth, imagination presents meaning. God I am utterly incapable of any control right now. My faith is hanging on a string. The darkness and lostness of this world brings sorrow to my heart and the questions of your mysteries remain unanswerable to me. It only brings me deeper and deeper into the pit of nonexistence. Humanity is a constant let down. Feeling comfortable is no longer my norm. Closing up the heart I will not do. Controlling of the emotions I cannot do. I am weak. I feel constantly weak. I have to be at this place in order for God to work in His way. The danger in asking God to use you is that He will but He has to break you first in order to use His full power. When dark trials come and my heart is filled with the weight of doubt I will praise Him still. I have no idea what I am doing here. Feelings come and go. Sin crouches at my door hourly. I must master it. God isn't a feeling. Otherwise right now He wouldn't exist. The dogma of christianity brings me down. I patiently wait for God to work, and I know I will probably never see it. The reality of life. "the believer is neither a pessimist nor an optimist. to be either is illusory. the believer sees reality not in a certain light but as is, and believes only in God and God's power towards all and over all that is seen."