7/19/09 draft...

These past three days I went on a Sabbatical because I just haven't felt God speak in such a long time. I felt a spiritual drought and I neglected him to do other things. I felt it on Sunday after church when I was at home trying to read my Bible and prepare myself before I went into work. I seriously felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown. It wasn't necessarily because I was doing too much, but more so that I was doing to much without God's hand in my life. I felt like I hadn't rested in His presence in months. So I took my Sabbatical starting Monday. What's hard about the first day of really digging into your heart before God is that sin really exposes itself. I've experienced this before, actually this is my life story. I neglect God, need to get back with him, and I see ugliness of my sin set before me. The worst part about it though is that it affected my whole day. Normally when I have a good quiet time with God I am in a good mood, but when it has been a while your sin just oozes out of you all day. Not a fun experience but it has to happen so that God can cleanse you. Tuesday was much better, and today was a good day as well, at least between me and God. I read through the whole book of Exodus today, it took me about two hours. I tell you, if you have never done that, I recommend it immensely. I got so into it, and I just felt the presence of God in a wonderfully trembling way. At the end of reading it I just fell on my knees before God and prayed for His mercy on my sinful soul.

When I was younger I use to wonder how Israel could forget God so easily and be such ungrateful brats towards Him. When people said they could relate to Israel in that I way I didn't understand. I understand now. I find myself worse than Israel, I can have a great quiet time with Him in the morning and totally forget about him by lunch time. I am so thankful for His amazing love, that when I am faithless He remains faithful.