Out of the desert

I've hit a peak of God just working around my life lately. It seems like I was in the desert for years waiting...and then it all started with Chris and I praying together and truly wanting what we prayed for. 

God lead us into your will, we want to be part of Your will not our own. Our lives are meaningless in any other will but your's. 

Then we were approached with serving more people in a deeper way & we were thrown into a whirlwind.

We keep getting approached about how well our ministry is going...that people hear such great things about it. It's crazy what God decides to do when you want what He wants. It testifies to me that for years my faith has been too small. I've prayed too little. I've asked for such minor things. God has been so gracious towards me with those things but I am so deeply amazed and encouraged that He actually uses me. Me! A broken, prideful, selfish, sin-stained person. I am so self-righteous, God knows how evil my heart is. Yet in my brokenness He uses it. 

I've been so nervous about leading. It's funny because you'd think all this positive feedback would make me full of myself. It's the opposite...because I know it's not me. It's God. He is moving and shaping His will around me and it's beautiful. It's amazing. It's masterful to watch.

I feared that I would live a boring suburban life. Not changing my community because I fell into the "american dream" lifestyle. It hasn't hit me yet. I live in suburbia, I have mediocre things, I work an 8 to 5 job, and have never traveled outside the U.S. Yet my heart still wants Jesus. My heart still wants to change this complacent suburban culture. 

You know what I've learned? God works in powerful ways within the mediocre life. I don't have to leave my town to see Him working. He will answer prayer and He will move in powerful ways among our simple "boring" lifestyles. I don't need to go on a missions trip to a third world country to see that.

I hope this whirlwind stays for a while. I so want to unify & build up His church. Not for my glory or my own ego-boost but for His glory and for the sake of the Gospel. For the sake of His church. I want Him to keep working not for my own entertainment but so that He builds it, strengthens it, unifies it. I'm just here as an instrument and that's all I want to be.

I pray a lot for spiritual protection. I've seen the evil one get in the way when someone is doing so much good for the Gospel & totally wreck havoc on that person's life. To say that I enjoy being in a whirlwind is not always true. I'm bracing myself for the fall. I'm watching for the trap. Yet I'm praying for protection. My spirit is simultaneously joyful and sorrowful for what I am experiencing and what I will be approaching. It may be the cynic in me and I hope my cynicism is proven wrong. Regardless of that I know that He is good, and no one else's will is better than His.